'The Family Plan 2' review: Holiday action comedy with Mark Wahlberg goes for seconds

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Why be just a Christmas movie when you can be both a Thanksgiving and a Christmas movie? That's bloody genius. The Family Plan 2 is working on another level. It is, of course, a sequel to 2023's 'The Family Plan', bringing back the Morgan family for seconds when it comes to turkey, ham and everything else. A couple years after the Las Vegas fiasco, ex-assassin Dan Morgan (Marks are Wahlberging Mark Wahlberg) has returned to boring suburban life with his wife, track-and-field coach Jessica (Michelle Monaghan), now-adult son and gamer Kyle (Van Crosby), and younger son Max (Peter Lindsey, Theodore Lindsey). Eldest child Nina (Zoe Colletti) has moved to London, England for her university studies.

After a cosy Thanksgiving in the United States, Dan receives a convenient gig offer to act as a security consultant for one day at a London-based bank, giving him the idea to spend Christmas there with the whole gang back together. The family also meets Nina's boyfriend Omar (Reda Elazouar). But holiday plans need to be readjusted when Finn Clarke (Kit Harington), the man who hired Dan, is revealed to be a dangerous individual holding a grudge. Everyone is in danger as Europe becomes a playground for assassin hijinks.

Some things have changed and we'll get to those, but the creative team has mostly stayed intact as Simon Cellan Jones returns to the director's chair and David Coggeshall provides the screenplay yet again—based on "characters created by David Coggeshall" in another chapter of Hollywood hijinks. So, one's first question might be if the movie is on a track to become a modern classic for Thanksgiving and Christmas. The short answer is no. Is The Family Plan 2 better than the first one, which was an abomination? Sure. Is it a better option than spending time with your racist family members during the holidays? Yes, but that just means the bar is in hell. "Good" isn't a word one would use to describe this film. Lowering your expectations can't hurt.

For what it's worth, the people involved may have taken another look at the soulless monster they created and made some course corrections before locking in a new plan. This instalment is less of a cry for help for mid-life impotence for its leading man so the dialogue is merely sluggish instead of embarrassing. Cinematographer Michael Burgess and the second unit shoot the action and real locations with more clarity and vitality, although Burgess maintains his near incompetence as far as lighting goes. Editors Pani Scott and Yan Miles do not hack the action and comedic beats to pieces, which shows that there's way more effort put into the stunts and fights this time around. Jones and co. find a little bit of goofy personality by embracing parkour and the mayhem is passable in general since viewers can actually follow it.

Cast chemistry shows some signs of life occasionally, with Wahlberg and Elazouar turning in respectable performances, whilst Colletti impresses by not projectile-vomiting after each line she has to spout. I guess we found the point where your paycheck overcomes the cringe factor. Having said that, the acting is rather inconsistent and the characters in particular aren't compelling in the slightest. There's no interiority when everyone just explains everything to the audience as if they're expected to watch the picture while scrolling on their phones; there's no specificity because Coggeshall's writing tends to take the blandest, easiest way out; and there's neither dramatic tension nor surprises since the story is afraid to change the tempo and take risks.

In addition to these flimsy characters, a few other elements continue to be on the naughty list. Composer Kevin Matley's score is again unbelievably atrocious, lacking personality, excitement, creativity—you know, pretty much all the essential components of a good score. The film's soundtrack hits the same flat notes since you get a sense that it was compiled by someone who has heard a maximum of 18 songs in their lifetime. Thematically, Coggeshall and Jones have absolutely nothing to say, which you could probably tell from the fact that one can't even be bothered to discuss the story, plot or the central conflicts between Dan and Finn, or Dan and Jessica, if you can even call them that. They're nothingburgers.

As a holiday action flick, The Family Plan 2 is an inoffensive effort, even watchable at times, unlike the first entry. But as a comedy? It's an outright disaster because the wordplay is endless, meaningless bickering and quips. Setups? Not present. Punchlines? Not present. Cutting insight? Not present. Physical comedy? Not present. Funny line deliveries? Not present. Santa Claus was nowhere to be found. If you want to be generous instead of a Grinch, you could say that the only things about the film that are wholly soulless this time are David Ellison and Skydance appearing in the credits. Otherwise, it is a gift that you'll forget in five minutes. Plan your trip accordingly.

Smileys: None

Frowneys: Humour, score, characterisation

The Morgans are moving to Oh-Bye-o if there's no sequel and we'll never see them again.

1.5/5

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